The Australian cricket team has taken exception to Harbajhan Singh’s alleged comments about Andrew Symonds being a monkey, and told the Indian tourists in no uncertain terms that in this country, racial slurs are unacceptable when uttered by anyone other than Tony Greig.
Anil Kumble’s team has warned that in future, it should restrict its onfield comments to the time-honoured subjects that form part of the gentlemanly tradition of Australian cricket, such as the players' sexual relations with their opponents’ relatives.
Australian captain Ricky Ponting said he was taking a stand on the issue. “It’s completely unacceptable for Andrew Symonds to be called a monkey,” he said. “And I told Harbhajan Singh’s wife the same thing when I fucked her last night.”
Master batsman and sledger Steve Waugh said that there was a clear line between abuse, and what he has always termed “mental disintegration”. “A racial slur is just a clumsy, stupid, offensive thing, ” he said. “If you just call him a monkey, he’ll only play better. Whereas if you want to get a batsman to fall apart, you have to find out whether, for instance, his sister was killed by a train, and then welcome him to the crease with locomotive sounds.”
Brad Hogg has also been dragged into the scandal after the Indian team cited him for using the term “bastard” on the field. Hogg has denied that the term was intended to cause any offence. “Australian cricketers have never had any issue whatsoever with children being born out of wedlock,” he said. “Warney alone has fathered dozens.”
In the aftermath of the furore, Herald commentator Peter Roebuck made a controversial call for Ricky Ponting to be sacked in a bid to restore dignity and respect to the Australian team. In response, Ponting made an even more controversial call for Roebuck to take his #$%@ing hat and %$@# it in his $#@!%#$%!!@$#.
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